Thoughts about complaining

Note: The below post has nothing to do with the book. If you want to hear what the book has to say, join us on Monday! Also, I use the pronoun “you” a lot. It’s just a general pronoun that I use. I could just as easily say “I” in every sentence. I assume people don’t get defensive in a blog post..obviously I am not talking about you as an individual! And my opinions are my own. If you don’t like them, that’s okay…

I am about to read the chapters and prepare the lesson for the 1st chapter that our ladies group is doing which are about replacing a complaining attitude with a thankful attitude. I have been thinking a lot over the past week about these two attitudes. Mostly about the complaining attitude. I thought..I don’t think I really complain that much. But I wonder if other people would say the same thing about me. I wonder if I complain more than I think I do. Then I started to nit pick everything. Is talking about my kids being sick complaining or factual? Is it all in the presentation? Am I allowed to say that I am tired or in pain as long as it is not excessive? What draws the line between complaining and just that fact that in real life not everything is perfect and we talk about those things? I think that the chapter will help me address those things so more on that later…

When I started thinking about complaining, I thought about what causes and what defines it. Complaining goes hand in hand with negative attitudes and negative emotions. And what causes complaining? I googled a couple of things and I came up with some answers such as dissatisfaction and ungrateful. And those are both very true but I came up with a different approach. Complaining occurs when we have an expectation that is not met. Let me explain…

Complaining against people – We expect people to act a certain way in general and towards us. We expect people to treat us with respect. We expect people to have common decency. We expect our kids to obey. We expect customer service. We expect common courtesy. And when we don’t get these things, we have two choices – we can complain, get mad, honk our horn, yell at customer service, rant to our spouse OR we can choose acceptance. Acceptance is born out of lowering your expectations. It doesn’t have to be a complete Eeyore woe is me thing. But instead of expecting things, go for the not expecting anything and then being surprised and grateful. I try to accept life for the way it is not the way that I want it to be. I have a family member who is close enough that they should remember my birthday every year and call or send a note or something but they don’t. This doesn’t bother me..it’s just the way it is. .Then one year they called. It was great! Do I care if they call me next year? Nope! But I am glad that they called that one year. (Note: there are situations with your spouse and your children where you need to communicate expectations. I am mainly talking about expectations from other people but some of this applies to immediate family as well. But you wouldn’t say “oh well” if your kid stopped making his bed…get my drift)

Complaining to people – I don’t think I have ever heard the expression “Complaining is music to my ears”. That’s because it’s NOT. We want to complain because we feel the need to release the negativity that is built up inside of us but chances are the person that you are complaining to probably isn’t getting that much out of it. And it could cause them to be more negative as well. Is that what you want? When your husband comes home from work, would he rather hear you talk about what a horrible time you had while you were on the phone with Bank of America or would he like to hear the cute thing that little Johnny did while he was on the phone with Grandma? If you think about it, complaining can be a very selfish action. Maybe it would be better to find an alternative to release the emotional negativity that is built up as well as dealing with what caused the negativity in the first place and finding ways to cope with situations before they get to point of negativity.

Complaining about circumstances – Wouldn’t life be nice if it was a big bowl of peaches and roses? Wouldn’t it be nice if I had enough money to buy XXX? Wouldn’t it be nice if I could be more like Jane? Wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t have to drive in traffic? Wouldn’t it be nice if my child wasn’t sick? Wouldn’t it be nice if I could find a job? Wouldn’t it be nice if my basement wasn’t flooded? Wouldn’t it be nice if my house wasn’t in foreclosure? Wouldn’t it be nice if I wasn’t fat? YEP..all those things would be nice. But you know what would be nicer…Wouldn’t it be nice if we had awesome Savior and Lord who loved us so much that He died for us and we get to spend our time on earth praising Him AND then eternity praising Him too? Wow!! That would totally rock!! We all know that life isn’t perfect but at the same time there is probably at least one of those above that you have said. And the reason is not because you are a bad person. Not because you are a complain-y whiny person. The reason is because sometimes life overwhelms us and we lose our focus. Our focus needs to be on Christ alone and not on this world or the things of this world. This can be easier said than done..life is still swirling around us at a fast pace. But if you find yourself becoming unfocused, spend some time re-focusing on Christ.


Thankfulness – I don’t know what to say about thankfulness. Thankfulness to me is a choice. A daily choice. I choose to be thankful no matter what this day brings. I am thankful for all the things in my life that are not Christ. My family, my kids, my job, my house, my church, my…the list goes on. I feel extremely blessed. But at the end of the day, there is only one thing that I truly want to be thankful for and that is my relationship with Jesus Christ and His love for me and that fact that I am one of His children. At the end of the day, I want to remember that all those other things may be stripped away and I will always and forever have that one thing to be thankful for.