Baby Bliss and Baby Blues

Baby Bliss

There are three things that I love about having a baby..in order of importance

1. Well of course, the actual Baby..he's a real cutie. He's so small and his favorite place to be in the whole world is in my arms. Nothing compares.



2. Not being pregnant. I loveeee not being pregnant. You will not find me saying things like "I miss being pregnant" or "Being pregnant is one of the best times of my life". I merely tolerate being pregnant because I end up with a baby. I thought maybe that I would miss him kicking me but no, the real thing is better.

3. Okay...now here is where you can think that I am crazy but I love the hospital food. I looked forward to my lovely major surgery because at the end, I had 4 days of hospital food. It wasn't as good as last time but I got to eat more than last time so that was fun. They had a big menu and I could order as much as I wanted for any meal. My typical breakfast was two apple juices, one hot tea, one coffee, a muffin, a danish, some fruit or maybe some Italian ice, a bowl of grits and a cheddar cheese omelet with bacon and tomatoes. It was wonderful.



Baby Blues

Well I am definitely better off postpartum with this baby. I have recovered pretty much completely. Off pain meds and everything. But I still have my fair share of the baby blues. But rather than randomly crying, I think I have actually been able to pinpoint why I am crying

1. Tired..gosh, if I am not really really tired. This makes me cranky and makes me cry for no reason.

2. Breastfeeding..well that didn't really go well. As in, it didn't go at all. We had to start bottle feeding because Peter had a short frenulum which he got clipped on Day 6. But he is still not good at sticking out his tongue and we have been doing finger exercises and I have been practicing nursing with him. And every time I would bawl and bawl because I just didn't think that progress was being made and progress may never be made and meanwhile, I was just struggling and struggling with it. And I felt like a complete failure for not being able to feed my child. It seems so easy for some but then again, I know many that have given up way sooner than me. But I made a decision that I am going to stop trying and I am going to pump and bottle feed which is what I did with Andrew and now I feel a total freedom and I don't feel like a failure. He is still getting my milk. We may have to supplement with formula some but the majority of food will be from me and that's the important part. How he gets it is really not important but it was really important to me that he get breast milk and he will. Yea for pumps!

3. Chris returning from paternity leave. When I think about what next week has in store for me, I start to cry. Well I cry for two reasons. One of the reasons is how much I enjoy Chris' companionship and I have very much gotten used to him being around all day. The other is the daunting realization that I won't be able to hand off Peter to him or ask him to help with Andrew. I am going to be a one woman show and I am terrified. Now I looked at my week and it's not so bad. I have plans every single day and then Chris is home on Fridays. But I am still terrified. I am sure it will get better or if nothing else, I should get used to it. But for now, the fact that his leave is almost over makes me cry every time I think of it. If this were paper, it would be all smeared. I also think that Andrew will have a hard time with Chris leaving. He went to Boy Scouts last night and Andrew cried for his Daddy for 20 minutes.

So there you have it. My joys and woes. My joys outweigh my woes even though it may not be totally obvious if you hung around me. I am very much enjoying being a mom. I love both my Andrew and my Peter more than you can imagine unless you too are a parent.