So it's official..

Number 2 is another boy. In the last couple of weeks, I had decided to psych myself up for the possibility that it might be a boy so I convinced myself or at least thought I convinced myself that I actually would prefer for this one to be a boy. For you see the last 12 weeks, I have been telling people things like "it better be a girl" and we have been calling it "Emily". Sorry Peter! So I went through all the motions of convincing myself that a boy would be better. And for the most part, I think I did a good job. Boys are much lower maintenance than girls for the most part and I think that Andrew and Peter will have more activities together. They will probably be too far apart (3 years) in age for sports but they could do Boy Scouts together and have special daddy trips together and stuff like that. I assume they will like the outdoors otherwise I will feel very sorry for them. But so far, Andrew already loveees camping. And would spend all hours of his day outdoors if I let him. He gets up in the morning and within the hour, he has his shoes in hand asking to go outside while I am wearily groping around the kitchen wishing for a latte.

But I digress. I don't know if I felt disappointment when she said it was a boy at the ultrasound or whether I was sitting there and subconsciously hoping that she was going to say girl. I don't remember very many emotions except that the baby was really cute and it was just so cool to see it. On the way home, I said I was a twinge disappointed but that I thought I would be a twinge disappointed either way. I don't know if that is true. But it wasn't until the evening that I truly lost it. I could tell that I was starting to feel a little depresses so I went upstairs to get a box of 0-3 months clothes of Andrew's to organize. And it was fun but also a little anti-climatic because I have seen all these clothes before. They are nothing new. I did decide that Peter was going to need some new outfits even though I currently have 45 sleepers for 0-3 months. He needs new clothes just to make me feel better. But in the midst of all my organizing, I ran across a very cute tiny pink bonnet that I had bought when we had Andrew that I decided that I would buy anyway and just save for the next kid. And at that moment, I realized that no child of mine may ever wear that bonnet and burst into tears. Chris was on the phone with his parents and immediately got off upon seeing my breakdown. The other thing is I say I am okay if I just get some nieces and yeah, I can spoil them with girl clothes but I still want a little princess who looks like me. I want a daughter that wraps her little 3 year old arms around me and says "I love you mommy" and with each kid that I have that is a boy that chance diminishes. I still want a 3rd kid and I will have to have psychotherapy if it is a boy. I love my boys. I love Andrew and I love Peter and I wouldn't trade my precious boys for anything in the world. I am just still hoping that there is a little princess out there for me some day.