Reflection on 2008 and looking ahead to 2009

This is my New Years post. Only it's not New Years because I don't have to time to post to blogs anymore. I have time for 2 second posts to Facebook and that's about it.

I am glad that it is 2009 even though there really isn't anything different as the year starts except that I got a new calendar. But the new year always is a time that people choose to reflect on the past year and look to see what they would like to do different and they make these resolution things. I have no resolutions per se but I did reflect on 2008 and made some observations and now I am ready to begin the new year with a new perspective.

2008 will be the year that I look back on and say that is the year that I lost. I lost it because it was a year that I spent being sad. Grief consumed me. I had no hope. I had no passion. I longed for a Savior but didn't know how to seek Him. I looked for Him in the Bible and devotion books and other people and I tried to pray but I just felt this huge void in my life and I looked around at the friends around me and they had the Lord and I wanted Him but I didn't know where to start.

2008 started with one of my good friends losing a baby to miscarriage. 2008 continued and on January 31st, Brock died at the precious age of 2. Three days later, my father in law passed away after a long and hard illness. In May, Nicole Sponberg lost her precious 2 month old to SIDS. And 2008 kept going on. Every time something bad happened, tomorrow still came just as easily as it had the day before. But things kept changing and I kept crying and I have never cried so much in my life. I was sad. Very sad.

In March of 2008, we found out that we were having our 3rd child. This was a surprise. This wasn't a sad surprise. This was the good part of 2008 except that I wasn't ready to be pregnant again and I spent many months bemoaning this fact. But in November, we welcomed into the world, Joshua Neil Craig and he is just as wonderful and precious as my other boys and I am thankful to the Lord for him.

So what about 2009? What is Amanda going to do with 2009? Well, this is the year that I am going to have JOY despite of my circumstances. I thought that 2008 was going to be the sad year and this year was going to be different. But this year isn't going to be different. I started the year with the passing of my grandmother after a hard hard battle with Parkinson's. It's still January and another one of my best friends has lost a baby to miscarriage. And I want to go crawl under the covers and just go to sleep until 2010. But that wouldn't actually accomplish anything. And I can do this. Oh wait "I" can't do this. I can't do this alone. I tried alone. Alone was 2008. 2009 is no longer about "I" trying to do anything. 2009 is about me sitting at the feet of my Lord and saying "Lord I don't understand. Lord I am grieving. Lord I am sad and I don't want to face tomorrow" and then allowing his peace and his strength to comfort me in my time of mourning. Oh how I wished that I sought the Lord in 2008. I wish I could have that year back. But I can't but I can move forward with the Lord.

There are Bible verses that I want to share but I can't look them and hold the baby so maybe I will get to those another day.